Mother-in-law insists her daughter-in-law use the gift cards she gave to her grandchildren to buy her dinner: 'She insists that whenever we use the gift cards, we take her with us.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 17, 2026 8:00 PM EST

She bought her grandchildren a rubber snake as a gift. 

In my family, we have this concept called a "rubber snake." If you give someone a rubber snake, it means you're giving them something you really want, but it doesn't make much sense to them. For instance, if your little brother is really into trains, he would give his sister a rubber snake by getting her a book about trains for her birthday. It's not a crime to give someone a gift that's more suited to you than to them, but it shows a general lack of care for what the other person wants.

Sometimes people genuinely do have difficulty putting themselves in another person's shoes and genuinely contemplating what they would want as a gift. It can be really hard to buy a gift for people who are super particular about everything in their lives, from the way they brush their teeth to the exact thread count of their sheets. They might not appreciate you getting them a selection of face masks, because they are extremely particular about how they treat their skin, and the products you chose were not up to snuff. That's why one of the greatest inventions in the history of gift-giving is the gift card.

Gift cards are great because they can be spent however the recipient wants. As long as you know generally what store or restaurant the giftee would patronize, you really can't go wrong with a $25 gift card. 

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  • A woman sitting at a table with a plate of food
    via Brock Wegner (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Some people don't understand that a gift is meant for the recipient, and not for them. The grandma in this story got her grandchildren gift cards to restaurants over the holidays. Instead of letting them enjoy them as a family, she wanted them to use the money she gave them to buy her a meal. 

  • Am I the bad guy for not using gift cards on person who gifted them?

    My MIL gave us and our kids gift cards for the Dec holidays - mainly restaurants for smaller $ amounts between $25 and $50.
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • The other day she texts my husband and I saying "shall we go out today and use one of the gift cards?" Confused, I said "what gift cards do you have?" She replied the ones she gave us, and she didnt have them with her since I took them all with me.
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • I replied that I didnt know I wasn't supposed to take them with me...as they're a gift.
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • Person holding white gift card
    via Rob Laughter

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She still insists that whenever we use them, we take her with us. I think it's ridiculous and my husband has stayed quiet.
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • Contemplating man looking out the window
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I've been LC with her for about a year, so with the amounts barely covering one person if we went out, it's likely a way to force her way into still seeing us.
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • AITA For wanting to use the gift cards and not have stipulations tied to them?
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  • LadyWiezel NTA but the true problem here is: "My husband stays silent." Yeah, that bs would not fly with me.
    via u/LadyWiezel
  • Adorable_Machine_571 Original Poster's Reply Oh it's not going to fly with him acting silent, I just need to make sure I'm not out of line before I essentially tell him this is the last straw and to marry his mother ...
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • LadyWiezel A gift is a gift. No one can decide what to do with it. His mother is trying to weasel her way into your lives in a very manipulative and childish way and it would be on your husband to clearly set boundaries and expectations for her. If he won't do that sorry you have to deal with that too OP.
    via u/LadyWiezel
  • Adorable_Machine_571 Original Poster's Reply Thank you, appreciate it
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • Crafty_Quantity_3162 So a $25 gift card could just about cover MIL's meal. How is that then a git to you or your kids?
    via u/Crafty_Quantity_3162
  • Adorable_Machine_571 Original Poster's Reply RIGHT? That part puzzled me so much, like she's kinda paying her own way, but that negates any value or intent of the gift.
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • ADK7107 NTA. Your MIL is a master manipulator. She didn't give you gifts she gave you obligations. Just tell her you used them already. AND point out that next time she should not give "gifts" that come with expectations. that's not a gift.
    via u/ADK7107
  • Adorable_Machine_571 Original Poster's Reply Spot on with the obligations part. I already have lots of anxiety with what she's put us through, so the thought of going out with her because of a few bucks in gift cards makes me think it's not worth my peace.
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • ContentHermit_13 Wow. Just...wow. NTA. This is an entitled and ridiculous expectation. A GIFT does not come with stipulations. That's not how they work.
    via u/ContentHermit_13
  • Adorable_Machine_571 Original Poster's Reply Exactly my thoughts, I dont think this is normal whatsoever!
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • bythebrook88 The gift is her presence at the meal/s
    via u/bythebrook88
  • Adorable_Machine_571 Original Poster's Reply that but she actually thinks like
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  • Hank_Dad We need a portmanteau like "voluntold". Who has ideas? Obligifting?
    via u/Hank_Dad
  • Adorable_Machine_571 Original Poster's Reply Obligifting!! Thats a good one X)
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  • MsAsphyxia NTA - but props to MIL for being so devious - what an interesting way to insist on more contact. If you're in the position to return the adult ones - go for it. Get the kids to spend theirs ASAP on the things they want. Then be done.
    via u/MsAsphyxia
  • Adorable_Machine_571 Original Poster's Reply Yep, digging her way into even lower contact/NC with me. Bizzare way to go about it, but she's full of devious surprises
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • Interesting_Pass 1730 Girl, give her them cards back ASAP. Cause ain't no way I'll be dealing with that. I would also let her know that I wouldn't be accepting that as a gift from her in the future. BUT, if you want to PETTY. Invite her, you and the children max out ALL they're cards for your order and pay any over the card costs. Split the check or walk to counter to pay first and then have them bring her check. Tell her you didn't bring extra cash or your wallet.
    via u/Interesting_Pass1730
  • Adorable_Machine_571 Original Poster's Reply I might do a combination of both of your suggestions lol
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571
  • Far_Quantity_6133 Lol NTA. Imagine if every gift came with her logic. If she got you a TV for Christmas she'd have to be at your house whenever you watch it. A gift is a gift, and when you give something in that context you have no control over how the recipient can use it.
    via u/Far_Quantity_6133
  • Adorable_Machine_571 Original Poster's Reply Sounds like her actually.... years ago for christmas she got my husband a chainsaw/heavy duty trimmer for our bushes (that she is always accusing us of being too overgrown), and then comes to take it for her bushes. So you're onto something there! Thank you!
    via u/Adorable_Machine_571

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daughter in law presents gift card eating out grandma grandchildren dinner mother in law cheap money
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